3 East
Jeff was roaming around, holding Mira baby and checking out my hospital room. I’d woken up a couple
hours earlier from my hysterectomy. Tired, and a little disoriented but happy to be done. I was lying
there trying to rest when I heard an ironic chuckle. Jeff pointed to a laminated card hanging on the wall
“I wonder if this is because of you.” My foggy brain worked to make out the words If your medical team’s
response does not seem proportionate to the situation please call this number. Huh. Weird. It sort of did
seem like what had happened to me in this same wing four months earlier. As I thought about it more I
hoped it was just me. No, I prayed it was just me...
hours earlier from my hysterectomy. Tired, and a little disoriented but happy to be done. I was lying
there trying to rest when I heard an ironic chuckle. Jeff pointed to a laminated card hanging on the wall
“I wonder if this is because of you.” My foggy brain worked to make out the words If your medical team’s
response does not seem proportionate to the situation please call this number. Huh. Weird. It sort of did
seem like what had happened to me in this same wing four months earlier. As I thought about it more I
hoped it was just me. No, I prayed it was just me...
Four months earlier.
The word shoved me. Pushed me. Smacked me. “...hysterectomy.” My morphine haze cleared as more
powerful rush of adrenaline snaked through me. “If we can’t get your bleeding under control then you’ll
require a hysterectomy.” Dr. O’Connor said it so calmly it almost masked the gravity of the situation. I’d
come into labor and delivery triage 12 days postpartum almost unable to walk. My mom was with me that
week and I give her credit for pressuring me to go. I called Jeff at work and he rushed home. I stubbornly
insisted I could walk to the car by myself but truthfully the garage walls were starting to look fuzzy as I
made my way to the passenger door. Even so a hysterectomy was no way on my mind. I thought I
maybe had a minor infection after a D&C two days earlier. I was thankful for her honesty but the news
was like a cheese grater on my already raw emotions. “Now if you were fifty I’d say let’s just go ahead
and get it out of there but since you’re so young I’m assuming you might want more kids?” “Yes.
Definitely.” “Okay, since the CT scan didn’t show a malfunctioning artery we are going to go ahead with
the second D&C and Foley bulb and see if we can get you to heal.” “Oh, okay.” Inwardly I was skeptical.
She’d just said hysterectomy. Don’t you only say that if there is something wrong?
powerful rush of adrenaline snaked through me. “If we can’t get your bleeding under control then you’ll
require a hysterectomy.” Dr. O’Connor said it so calmly it almost masked the gravity of the situation. I’d
come into labor and delivery triage 12 days postpartum almost unable to walk. My mom was with me that
week and I give her credit for pressuring me to go. I called Jeff at work and he rushed home. I stubbornly
insisted I could walk to the car by myself but truthfully the garage walls were starting to look fuzzy as I
made my way to the passenger door. Even so a hysterectomy was no way on my mind. I thought I
maybe had a minor infection after a D&C two days earlier. I was thankful for her honesty but the news
was like a cheese grater on my already raw emotions. “Now if you were fifty I’d say let’s just go ahead
and get it out of there but since you’re so young I’m assuming you might want more kids?” “Yes.
Definitely.” “Okay, since the CT scan didn’t show a malfunctioning artery we are going to go ahead with
the second D&C and Foley bulb and see if we can get you to heal.” “Oh, okay.” Inwardly I was skeptical.
She’d just said hysterectomy. Don’t you only say that if there is something wrong?
Dominique, a tech dressed in vibrant red scrubs came to push my bed to the OR prep area. Jeff and
my sister Arwen followed pushing Mira in a bassinet and lugging all of our stuff. Halfway there
Dominique pointed to the waiting room and told Jeff that’s where he’d be staying. Dominique and I
kept going until we reached a large open room. She pushed me in place behind a curtain that was
hospital fabulous and said her farewell. Paula and Diane two gentle, kind nurses spoke to me softly.
They asked my medical history and if I needed anything. Using some harsher words, Diane called
around and made sure I got the breast pump I needed to get my baby through the time my procedure-
or procedures- would take. Then suddenly I was alone, the gentle noise of the breast pump my only
company. It was almost midnight and the OR prep room only had one other patient, an elderly man
who was snoring, laid back against his pillows. I sat in my bed and tried to assess everything. The
truth is I felt absolutely nothing. It was a type of despair I’d only experienced once before and I tried
my best to fight it. God’s got this. Yes, you might wake up without a uterus but then again you might
wake up with one. Whatever happens, God’s got you. God’s got me. Jeff and Mira came back to say
good luck and goodbye. My sweet husband stroked my hair and held my hand. I looked at my tiny
dark haired beauty with new eyes. She could be our last. I wasn’t ready. I’m still not. The genial face
of John, the anesthesia tech is the last thing I remember. His single earring was a little more sparkly
than it should have been...
my sister Arwen followed pushing Mira in a bassinet and lugging all of our stuff. Halfway there
Dominique pointed to the waiting room and told Jeff that’s where he’d be staying. Dominique and I
kept going until we reached a large open room. She pushed me in place behind a curtain that was
hospital fabulous and said her farewell. Paula and Diane two gentle, kind nurses spoke to me softly.
They asked my medical history and if I needed anything. Using some harsher words, Diane called
around and made sure I got the breast pump I needed to get my baby through the time my procedure-
or procedures- would take. Then suddenly I was alone, the gentle noise of the breast pump my only
company. It was almost midnight and the OR prep room only had one other patient, an elderly man
who was snoring, laid back against his pillows. I sat in my bed and tried to assess everything. The
truth is I felt absolutely nothing. It was a type of despair I’d only experienced once before and I tried
my best to fight it. God’s got this. Yes, you might wake up without a uterus but then again you might
wake up with one. Whatever happens, God’s got you. God’s got me. Jeff and Mira came back to say
good luck and goodbye. My sweet husband stroked my hair and held my hand. I looked at my tiny
dark haired beauty with new eyes. She could be our last. I wasn’t ready. I’m still not. The genial face
of John, the anesthesia tech is the last thing I remember. His single earring was a little more sparkly
than it should have been...
Back in OR prep the first question I remember consciously asking was “Do I still have a uterus?”
Dr. O’Connor gave me a wry smile. “Yes.” Every muscle in my body unclenched. She explained how
the Foley bulb would work over the next few days and left me with Paula again. Paula spoke in a low
voice “Ginger ale or apple juice?” I answered in an equally low voice. “Umm. Am I allowed to drink
now?” “Well. You’re allowed to have ice chips but I know that anesthesia tube makes your throat feel
funny so I can put a little something in there for you.” Her smile was equal parts sympathy and sneaky
grandma. She was right, my throat felt like I’d swallowed a rock. “Ginger ale, please.” I was still a little
shaky from the anesthesia so she carefully spooned the mix of ice chips and soda into my cotton dry
mouth. It tasted like I’ve always imagined ambrosia would taste- like a little piece of heaven. Paula
spoke normally again “Okay so it looks like they’re sending you to gynecology post-op.” “Huh. Okay.”
I didn’t know what that meant or where that was. But like magic another tech in red scrubs appeared to
take me to 3 East. Jeff and Mira appeared almost simultaneously and the sight of my husband’s face
almost made me cry with relief. He walked faster toward me. “Hey babe, Dr. O’Connor came to the
waiting room and told me you still have your uterus!” He smiled like this was going to be the end of it
but my instincts were starting to tell me otherwise.
Dr. O’Connor gave me a wry smile. “Yes.” Every muscle in my body unclenched. She explained how
the Foley bulb would work over the next few days and left me with Paula again. Paula spoke in a low
voice “Ginger ale or apple juice?” I answered in an equally low voice. “Umm. Am I allowed to drink
now?” “Well. You’re allowed to have ice chips but I know that anesthesia tube makes your throat feel
funny so I can put a little something in there for you.” Her smile was equal parts sympathy and sneaky
grandma. She was right, my throat felt like I’d swallowed a rock. “Ginger ale, please.” I was still a little
shaky from the anesthesia so she carefully spooned the mix of ice chips and soda into my cotton dry
mouth. It tasted like I’ve always imagined ambrosia would taste- like a little piece of heaven. Paula
spoke normally again “Okay so it looks like they’re sending you to gynecology post-op.” “Huh. Okay.”
I didn’t know what that meant or where that was. But like magic another tech in red scrubs appeared to
take me to 3 East. Jeff and Mira appeared almost simultaneously and the sight of my husband’s face
almost made me cry with relief. He walked faster toward me. “Hey babe, Dr. O’Connor came to the
waiting room and told me you still have your uterus!” He smiled like this was going to be the end of it
but my instincts were starting to tell me otherwise.
Being turfed to gynecology post-op was a step down from labor and delivery. The nurse to patient ratio
was 3 to 1 instead of 1 to 1 and it showed. Around two hours after they finished the procedure I could
tell I was hemorrhaging again. I turned to Jeff “Hey, hon. I’m bleeding more than I think I should be so
I’m going to call the nurse.” I called her and told her the same thing. She looked at the blue pad under
me. “Yep. You’re hemorrhaging.” “Okay, uh could you call the doctor?” “Yeah sure but the first thing
she’ll want to know is how much blood you’ve lost. Let me change that pad under you.” This seemed
odd to me but I let her do it anyway, too tired to be my own advocate. Then she said “I’ll be right back.”
I could feel my heart rate speeding up and blood gushing around the Foley bulb that was supposed to
apply pressure and stop the bleeding. I watched the minutes tick by and my heart rate continued to
rise, 95...109...125...132.
was 3 to 1 instead of 1 to 1 and it showed. Around two hours after they finished the procedure I could
tell I was hemorrhaging again. I turned to Jeff “Hey, hon. I’m bleeding more than I think I should be so
I’m going to call the nurse.” I called her and told her the same thing. She looked at the blue pad under
me. “Yep. You’re hemorrhaging.” “Okay, uh could you call the doctor?” “Yeah sure but the first thing
she’ll want to know is how much blood you’ve lost. Let me change that pad under you.” This seemed
odd to me but I let her do it anyway, too tired to be my own advocate. Then she said “I’ll be right back.”
I could feel my heart rate speeding up and blood gushing around the Foley bulb that was supposed to
apply pressure and stop the bleeding. I watched the minutes tick by and my heart rate continued to
rise, 95...109...125...132.
Now I’ve seen Jeff angry, I’ve seen him upset, I’ve seen him at his worst but I have never seen his lips
so thin or heard the seething tone he used that night. “You are losing blood. You need a transfusion
and she just left. She needs to call the doctor RIGHT. NOW.” My nurse walked back in with the scale
to weigh blood-soaked pads. Jeff spoke tersely “Are you going to call the doctor now?” “Oh, well once
I weigh this yeah.” He seethed silently holding our Mira girl tightly as if to protect her when he couldn’t
protect me. The nurse nonchalantly weighed, stopping one more time to take yet another blood soaked
pad from under me. Then she did the math out loud. She may as well have smacked Jeff in the face.
I’d lost another quart of blood. Then and only then did she call the doctor. Dr. O’Connor came within a
minute. Her eyebrows were nearly in her hair line and she was almost as upset as Jeff. I caught a few
of her words with the nurse, they were quiet but blunt. “She’s going tachycardic. Call down for two units
of blood and start transfusing. Now.” Then she spoke to me in her usual way “Okay so we’re going to
start a transfusion and hopefully that will help control the bleeding. Let’s get you stable.” She smiled
reassuringly. Dr. O’Connor put in her orders and headed back to labor and delivery.
so thin or heard the seething tone he used that night. “You are losing blood. You need a transfusion
and she just left. She needs to call the doctor RIGHT. NOW.” My nurse walked back in with the scale
to weigh blood-soaked pads. Jeff spoke tersely “Are you going to call the doctor now?” “Oh, well once
I weigh this yeah.” He seethed silently holding our Mira girl tightly as if to protect her when he couldn’t
protect me. The nurse nonchalantly weighed, stopping one more time to take yet another blood soaked
pad from under me. Then she did the math out loud. She may as well have smacked Jeff in the face.
I’d lost another quart of blood. Then and only then did she call the doctor. Dr. O’Connor came within a
minute. Her eyebrows were nearly in her hair line and she was almost as upset as Jeff. I caught a few
of her words with the nurse, they were quiet but blunt. “She’s going tachycardic. Call down for two units
of blood and start transfusing. Now.” Then she spoke to me in her usual way “Okay so we’re going to
start a transfusion and hopefully that will help control the bleeding. Let’s get you stable.” She smiled
reassuringly. Dr. O’Connor put in her orders and headed back to labor and delivery.
The blood looked like a deep tomato soup and I watched it weave its way down my IV. It is bizarre to
watch someone else’s blood going into you. Amazingly, halfway into the second bag I could feel my
bleeding start to slow. The transfusion finished and my heart rate came down. I don’t think it’s any
coincidence that as soon as my transfusion was done another tech in red came to transfer me back to
L&D. That had Dr. O’Connor written all over it and I was relieved to be taken off the unit. Dawn was
approaching when I arrived in labor room 8 and I did my best to sleep, still unsure of the future.
watch someone else’s blood going into you. Amazingly, halfway into the second bag I could feel my
bleeding start to slow. The transfusion finished and my heart rate came down. I don’t think it’s any
coincidence that as soon as my transfusion was done another tech in red came to transfer me back to
L&D. That had Dr. O’Connor written all over it and I was relieved to be taken off the unit. Dawn was
approaching when I arrived in labor room 8 and I did my best to sleep, still unsure of the future.
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