Radiology

This is a narrative of what I experienced while they were trying to get my uterus to stop filling up with blood to give it time to heal. If you have experienced this or a similar procedure I would love for you to share your experience. -T _____________________ Her name badge said “Sara” and she smiled apologetically. “You might be here for awhile and all I have to offer you is a warm blanket and this lame-o HGTV show.” I took the warm blanket and asked her to mute the TV. She sat in front of her computer and sent techs out to pick up patients or take them back to their rooms. I tried to pray and watched the clock tick off a very slow hour. Being stuck in the radiology holding pen was sort of a metaphor for where I was physically and emotionally. The doctors didn’t agree or didn’t know why I was bleeding and I didn’t know what or how to feel. Every part of it was an in between that made me uncomfortable. I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew a radiology tech was pushing my bed into the angiography room. Sterile packs of shockingly long catheters hung along one wall. One of those is going to go into me. It said “Isabella” on her nametag but she introduced herself as Izzy which I thought went better with her tie-dye lead vest and apron. She sweetly put my hair in a ponytail and explained what “conscious sedation” meant. I had a panic attack. “Wait, so you mean I’ll be awake for the procedure?” “Oh yes, Dr. Bhagat will need your cooperation during it.” My body flashed hot and nausea swept in. I tried to play it cool “Oh, well upstairs they made it sound like I was going to be out. All the way out.” “No, you’ll be awake.” Flat on my back, immobile and weak from blood loss I gave up. Okay, God. You knew this was going to happen so you’re going to have to make it alright.

He looked for a hand to shake but they were already caged in plexiglass to keep me from moving during the procedure. “Hi Mrs. Leonard. I’m Dr. Bhagat and I’m going to be doing your uterine embolization today.” (I was tickled by the “Mrs.” he was old enough to be my father.) “Did they explain what that means to you?” “I think I understand, you’re going to cut off the blood supply to my uterus.” “Exactly. Alright, let’s get started.” The team prepared a whole table full of sterile equipment chucking anything that might have been even remotely contaminated. A middle-aged fellow (whose name I forget) covered me in a sterile sheet that had a small hole near my right femoral artery and a clear plastic shield near my face. There was a stool next to my right hip and Dr. Bhagat sat down on it like a concert pianist sitting down at his keys. I half expected him to fluff a set of tails. “Okay so you’ll feel a small pinch...” and it started.

It is a weird feeling knowing that a two foot long catheter is being threaded through your arteries. You don’t feel a thing. At least I didn’t for the first half hour. It must have been when they inserted the embolizing material, that’s all I can figure anyway. “Mrs. Leonard how are you doing? Doing okay?” I guess he saw my face. “Uh. It’s just uterine cramping, kind of bad cramping.” That was an understatement. It hurt like hell. “Okay why don’t we have Izzy give you some Toradol?” She bustled over and pushed it through my IV. It didn’t make a dent. I have given birth twice and undergone dental work unanesthetized and those were a solid ten on my pain scale. This was a kind of pain that I don’t even have a scale for. Embolization was the last straw for my body. My uterus had been through three weeks of prodromal labor, precipitous birth, two physical evacuations, two hemorrhages, two D&Cs and countless exams. It had had enough and was letting me know.

There was no position change I could do to ease the pain- I was strapped down and caged in. I breathed my labor breathing but it wasn’t working. Fighting hyperventilation isn’t a feeling I would ever like to feel again. My arms and then my upper body started to tingle painfully. Dr. Bhagat spoke loudly. “Izzy. Please get Mrs. Leonard a bolus of Dilaudid. Now. That’s it, Mrs. Leonard, keep breathing, keep breathing.” The high grade narcotic moved through me like an angry snake making the light look harsh and my own voice unbearably loud in my ears. “How much longer?” WHY AM I SCREAMING?!? “What was that, Mrs. Leonard? I couldn’t hear you.” Tears dripped into my ears as I asked again, forcing myself to project my voice through the sharp ringing. “About fifteen to twenty minutes.” I can do that. I can do anything for twenty minutes. In my drugged state I finally go up the nerve to look at the giant screen to my left which displayed the fluoroscope images they kept taking. The iodine lit up my arteries in little blue squiggles. Oh look. My pelvic bones and leg bones. That giant balloon must be my uterus, hah. I did not realize how big it would look. Weird. I looked away and kept breathing.

“Alright Mrs. Leonard. We’re finishing up. Let’s get you upstairs and get you comfortable.” I really wondered if that was even possible. I was still on this stupid drug, it made me feel awful. Izzy and another tech uncaged and unstrapped me and inflated the raft I was on to move me back on the gurney. “Now remember you’ll have to keep your leg straight for six hours.” “Oh, okay. I don’t feel like moving anyway.”

Izzy wheeled me back to holding. She smiled, said goodbye and wished me luck. I responded with a weak thank you and waved hello to Sara. “Oh, great! You’re back. I hope it went well.” Her optimism evoked simultaneous hope and sorrow. Yes, it had gone well- very quickly according to Dr. Bhagat- but I was a wreck. “Yeah, I guess it did. Thanks.” Sara had Anton take me back to my room. He picked up on the fact that I wasn’t doing so hot and kept it light. Chatting genially about this that and nothing. Even though he slowed down every time, each small bump on the floor caused pain that set my teeth on edge and brought a fresh wave of tears. He spoke a gentle “I’m sorry.” after each one. Finally back up to the L&D ward a cloud of nurses and techs descended to transfer me from the gurney to their bed. I waved weakly at Anton who smiled then waved back and exited the room still facing me, closing the door on his way. I laid back on the pillows and braced myself for the next part of my recovery.